wardrobe malfunctions
by ohwhatsherface
Summary: Team Seven is dysfunctional every other day of the year, so really, why should Halloween be any different?


**title:** wardrobe malfunctions  
**author:** ohwhatsherface  
**warning:** pre-time skip Team Seven; minor SasuSaku (in celebration of 469 :D); cheesy ending  
**disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto**  
note:** Happy (Belated) Halloween! I was a zombie ninja. Yes. But like, a cool ninja, _obviously_. Anyway, just think of these as three separate drabbles because together, there is this complete lack of flow. Yes, I know, I fail. Sigh.

* * *

**1. Sakura does not like vampires.**

"Okay, so we'll meet up at nineteen-hundred hours in front of Kakashi-sensei's house!" Sakura declared, clapping excitedly.

Naruto took a moment to do the basic nineteen-minus-twelve. Understanding the time, he grinned. "Sure thing, Sakura-chan! What are you dressing up as?"

"Er…" Sakura smiled sheepishly. "Okay, well, to be honest I don't have a costume yet. I still need to put one together."

"You should be a princess!" he suggested, "Or a fairy! Or whatever! I'm sure you'll look great no matter what!" Naruto turned to Sasuke and scowled. "And what are _you_ going to be, bastard?"

Sasuke didn't look up from his meal, continuing to eat his ramen. "A ninja."

Sakura and Naruto both gasped, appalled. "Sasuke-kun!" Sakura shrieked. "You can't be a _ninja_ – then you won't be in a costume!"

"AND THEN YOU WON'T GET CANDY!" Naruto continued, nearly freaking out. "AND YOU CAN'T _NOT_ GET CANDY!"

Sasuke wiped his cheek free of Naruto's spit and shrugged. "Whatever, I don't even like sweets, idiot."

"Still!" Sakura cried, grabbing Sasuke's arm almost pleadingly. "You can't be a _ninja_! That takes the fun out of Halloween, Sasuke!"

Glaring at the offending hand latched onto him, Sasuke relented. "_Fine_. I'll be… a vampire." Sasuke groaned when the two gasped once again, this time ever more horrified. He prayed for patience and growled, "_What_?!"

"Vampires are lame," Naruto said snootily. Sakura nodded along and Sasuke could see her losing interest in him by the second. He almost shouted aloud that he would _definitely _be a vampire. "Zombies are _way_ cooler," he continued.

"Seriously."

"…I'm not going to be a _zombie_."

The blond glared at him and pointed accusingly. "I wasn't saying you _should_ be!" He crossed his arms, smirking. "They're too cool for you, bastard."

"Well what are _you_ dressing up as, dobe?" Sasuke hissed, now rather annoyed.

Naruto grinned mischievously. "It's a surprise."

…

**

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**

2. Sasuke is such a total fail.

Sakura thought her self wise for choosing to meet in front of Kakashi's apartment building, rather than anywhere else and have _him_ go to _them_. It was a strategic decision of hers, really, and it definitely saved time.

Shifting, she rested her weight on her other foot, and fingered her now black locks. She was sure Sasuke would frown upon her using chakra to turn her hair from pink to black, but for the sake of the holiday, she'd ignore her crush's judgement. With her skin already rather pale, she put dark makeup around her eyes and smears of red around her lips to look like blood. She wore a plain, white nightgown, and was quite pleased with her appearance. She made a good dead chick.

Under her breath Sakura snickered. She couldn't wait to scare the crap out of Naruto!

"What are you supposed to be, exactly?" Sasuke, _coming out of freaking no where_, asked.

Sakura shrieked, literally jumping. _Dammit!_ Inner Sakura cried, _Now Sasuke-kun thinks I'm a pathetic ninja… Well he's always thought that. I think. Hm…_ Sakura looked up at the boy in question to find him dressed his customary black and with a katana strapped to his waist. She suppressed the urge to smack her forehead and sighed. "Sasuke-kun, we went over this. You can't be a _ninja_—"

Sasuke huffed. "I'm a _samurai_."

"…" She stared back incredulously and struggled for patience. Sakura attempted to smile gently so not to insult her crush. "You're not a samurai, Sasuke-kun. You're a ninja with a sword strapped to his side."

Before Sasuke could retort, there was a loud shriek and someone jumped behind him, knocking him forward slightly. Sasuke directed his glare to that person, naturally finding Naruto. The blond was clutching his chest and pointing at Sakura.

"Y—you!" Naruto gasped for air. "Sakura-chan! You look _horrible_!"

Sakura pursed her lips. "…thanks."

"No wait!" Naruto tried to grab her but immediately backed away, a little frightened. "That's not what I meant. You're beautiful, Sakura-chan, just right now you look _super freaking scary_!"

"I think that's quite enough, Naruto," Kakashi said, suddenly appearing behind the boy and placing a hand on his shoulder, causing Naruto to jump fearfully once again. "You really must learn when to stop talking."

"Oh, my _gosh_, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura shrieked, gaping at his costume. "You're a… a…"

Sasuke didn't feel too surprised. "A pimp."

Kakashi chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. His flamboyant purple suit made him a competitor for most-gaudily-dressed with Naruto's usual outfit, and his silver hair was kept down by a matching hat with a large, pink feather on it. To finish things on, he had a cane.

"What's a pimp?"

Everyone frowned at Naruto's ignorance, but before anyone could reprimand him, they all fully took in his costume.

"Oh, god."

"Are you…"

"…_ramen_?"

A bright and wide smile stretched across Naruto's face and he nodded rapidly. "Hells yes! Like my costume, Sakura-chan?"

"Er…" Sakura continued to stare at his likely homemade 'cup of ramen' costume, consisting of a large, plastic cup which he stuck his arms and legs through, and 'noodles' (strips of yellow cloth) sticking out on the sides. "It… it suits you."

"Yeah, because it's stupid," Sasuke added, effectively killing Naruto's happy mood. "Like you."

The two boys shared a brief glaring match as Sakura laughed awkwardly beside them, trying to stop them. "Well your _face_ is stupid," Naruto countered eventually. "Same with your costume – though technically it's not a costume because you're already a ninja." And for effect, "_Stupid_."

Sasuke bristled and struggled with the urge to punch the blond. "Get it through that pea-sized brain of yours, idiot. I am a _samurai_, not a _ninja_."

Kakashi sighed as they continued with their mindless banter. He _knew_ he shouldn't have said he'd take them trick or treating.

…

**

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**

3. Naruto brings all the boys to the yard.

Somewhere between their first house and Kakashi's apartment, Naruto challenged Sasuke to see who could accumulate the most candy before midnight, and naturally, Sasuke smirked and agreed. Sakura and Kakashi could only sigh and hope that people would have enough candy for all the other trick-or-treaters by the time the two were through with their competition. Resorting to jutsu to create new appearances, they visited plenty of houses more than once.

"That's…" Sakura shook her head as _Naruko_, dressed as a French maid, told a few teenage boys that someone stole her candy, effectively getting them to give him theirs. "This seems like a complete abuse of power, Kakashi-sensei."

Leaning on his pimp stick, Kakashi observed Sasuke silently do the same as Naruto to random girls but… as himself, and snorted.

Fan girls were just _too_ easy.

"Okay, boys," Kakashi called as the two approached, "it's midnight. Let's count."

Sakura gawked. "We have to _count_? She eyed their mounds of candy and cringed. "Er, I'm going to head home now—"

"It's late and there are people running around in costumes," Sasuke interrupted, not looking up from his candy-counting. "For all you know, one of them is the enemy. Just wait for us to finish counting and we'll go with you."

Inner Sakura flailed, ignoring the 'we', and Outer Sakura blushed. "O—okay, Sasuke-kun!"

Twenty minutes later (extra time had to be allotted when Naruto lost count at 126 and had to start over again), they finished.

At a tie.

Kakashi could only groan. "We wasted all this time so you two could _tie_?" he murmured incredulously. With a shrug, he considered that maybe a tie was the best outcome; at least he didn't have to intervene with the fight that would have begun with the winner bragged to the loser. "Well, if that's all, I'm going to head home."

"Happy Halloween, sensei!" Sakura said, waving.

He returned the gesture before teleporting away.

"I can't believe I tied with a bastard like you!" Naruto yelled, now back in his male form and ramen costume and pointing at Sasuke accusingly.

Sasuke snorted and glared. "Tch, like I'd want to be at the same level as _you_."

"You're both winners," Sakura suggested warily. When they both frowned at her for a second, she visibly deflated. "…or not."

"Whatever," Naruto muttered. He stuck his tongue out at Sasuke. "I'm leaving – I don't know if _bastard_ is contagious or not. Bye, Sakura-chan!" he said, smiling at Sakura. Then he turned to Sasuke and scowled. "Jerk."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Dumbass."

With a cry of _well your face is dumb_, Naruto fled the scene.

_YES,_ Inner Sakura cried, realizing she was now with only Sasuke. She touched her cheek and hoped her mom's foundation would do something to cover up her reddening cheeks. _YES! AWESOME! We are _alone_ with Sasuke-kun and he said he was going to walk us home earlier. Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Okay, Sakura, play it cool. PLAY IT COOL—_

"Here."

His voice startled her out of her inner flailing. Sakura blinked at his outstretched bag of candy. "What?" she said dumbly, subtly wincing. _Way to play it cool…_

Sasuke only frowned and Sakura thought she saw him blushing. "Here," he repeated, shaking the bag. "Take it."

"Your candy?" Sakura was genuinely confused. "But—"

"I don't like sweets," he interrupted, looking desperate. "Just _take it_."

"O—okay!" She grabbed his bag and stepped back, looking at the floor. "Thank you, Sasuke-kun."

"Hn."

As they walked toward her house, Sakura smiled. It was a happy Halloween indeed.

…

_

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_

fin

…


End file.
